lonely + hope

fear is bottomless and sadness borderless.
what is without pattern frightens me.
in the wilderness there is no understanding,
only solitude and not having adequate language
and confusion and fear in the dark
where there are no articulated boundaries.

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I'm afraid that I'm unkind and destructive--
but I want to tell you you're a pain in the ass
and laugh about it and love you all the more.

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I want him to come to see me
and be alight
and stay alight
even through the darkness.
why am I ashamed to write it?:
I want him to help me,
for real,
help me to be happy.

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I want to be with someone who can be
practical updside-down and vice-versa.