strangeness

my grandmother has died, and they're having a memorial coffee at her house-- when I get there with my fanily, the place is packed with people I do not know, and my family members quickly disappear into the crowds. my grief lies heavy on me, and I don't have the emotional resources to make sense of this scene-- I wander around for a time, trying to do my best, but the shock of it all quickly undoes me: the people are all incredibly fancy and highbrow and important, and it becomes swiftly evident what an important person my grandmother was in the eyes of the world-- and the familiar, warm person I loved so dearly is nowhere evident-- except in small familiar knick-knacks that others are pawing and taking as mementoes-- I lose it at this point and start searching for my family to I can get the hell out-- they drove me here, and I feel utterly dependent on them for escape-- every room I enter has more mucky-mucks standing around talking about my grandmother in an urbane world context I don't recognize and generlly being very smart and cool and alien to me-- I begin to see my grandmother's possessions and life and accomplishments in a new light, but I'm in no shape to process it-- I just want my family to get me out of here-- I start calling out to them, "mooooo-ooooom... daaaaa-aaaaaad!!", quickly realizing how ineffectual these names are but keeping at it, growing desperate and plaintive. the cool people, fortunately are unflapped by my display and continue their conversations without a ripple-- I go on and on, calling, searching, unable to find my family, until the place starts to clear out and I realize the only possibility is that they have left without me. I collapse into a chair, utterly abandoned, and after a bit take notice of the bright shiny folk I've collapsed among-- they're young and cleverly dressed and effortlessly at ease and clearly successful and wealthy and bright-- a shining lot-- dusty me has fallen among them for better or worse. as they rise to move along, they offer me a ride, and with mixed mortification and relief I accept-- we board a dreadful concept vehicle with stadium seating and no safety whatsoever and proceed through town-- we're moving through the locales I grew up among, and I make some small comment about a change and then a heartbeat later do a double- and then triple-take and gape in utter shock as I realize how the place has been transformed-- there are now elaborate undulating glass constructions, hotel megaliths, with multistorey water features lining the road-- when I'm able to speack again, I exclaim, "my god! it's like las vegas!" my companions all nod and say, "yes" and "actually, I heard a statistic the other day that the businesses here see more activity than vegas"-- and a cool, unhurried, unamazed discussion ensues. I don't begin to know where I am.

I'm back in my grandmother's house for something, moving through those turned-strange rooms, when I run into some of the guests staying there-- namely angelina jolie and her daughter and other members of her entourage-- angelina glides into the room, stark naked and with perfectly astonishing globe breasts, smiles sweetly at me and says hello. my jaw must be on the persian carpet, but I stammer something out by way of a greeting. I can't take my eyes off her, so I see how warm and honest and utterly unselfconscious she is, watch her interacting with her little daughter and am infatuated and entranced-- suddenly leaving is the farthest thing from my mind-- I just want to stay and stay and watch and absorb her goodness and ease-- the only thing that remains somewhat disconcerting is those crazy unearthly perfect breasts.